I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
