how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
