So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize