i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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