You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it because I queefed?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
