he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
