Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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