why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
