do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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