I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
