he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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