So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I need moral support for this bender
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
