It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize