Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
