I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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