This house was built for laser tag.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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