a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
