I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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