i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
