is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you traded sex for a burrito?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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