dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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