I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
