my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
