so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
