He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
a search helicopter?!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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