sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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