i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
