Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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