Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
