You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need to calm my uterus...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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