We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
