I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My bed smells like the plague
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
