Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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