after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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