I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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