Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
