he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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