i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I supernannyed him into submission
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
