I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
