If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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