I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
