I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's rum buckets o'clock
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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