Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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