You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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