I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
