super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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