I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
