my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
