I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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