I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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