You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
