Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have already put on my inside pants.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
