Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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