At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
