somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
