i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
