Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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