a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
