Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
