party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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