I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
