Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
