one two three fourrrrnication!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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