His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
