I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Congratulations! We have a period
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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