And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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