Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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