The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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