dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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