Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
